Lonely
by HR always live on
Summary: Harry considers his relationship with Ruth. S9- ish. Hope it ends up more interesting than that though! Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Here we go again! This one is starting in a slightly depressing manner with Harry, but there will be Ruth involved later. Not my usual type of writing so I hope I've got the thoughts of Harry right. Set in early to mid series nine.**

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Harry leaned back in his chair with his eyes closed. It had been a slow week. In fact it had been a slow month. No terror attacks discovered, no suspects needing arresting and no irritating politicians. Or no much more than the norm at any rate. The blinds of his office were drawn so he could relax in peace. He was supposed to be working, but to be honest with himself, when there wasn't a desperate emergency for a month, he'd already done all the paperwork he could do. So he had nothing to do, until a threat to national security was discovered. Not that he was hoping for one of course. So he resorted to his favourite past time of the last few years. Thinking of Ruth.

He knew she wasn't currently on the grid. Because of the quiet period they had been going through, she'd taken to treating herself to a proper lunch hour. He also knew that she didn't stay in the confines of Thames House either. But where she went, he had no idea. It would be easy enough to track her through CCTV from work, but he didn't want to. It felt like a breach of trust and her privacy. If she wanted him to know, she'd tell him. A part of him desperately feared that she was meeting another man. That she'd given up on there ever becoming more between them than meaningful silences and glances held on too long. That she'd given up waiting for their relationship to ever begin. It was not a thought that comforted him. He wasn't with her, and he guessed he never really had been, but the thought of another man with her, taking her out to dinner in her evenings, kissing her, or even more horribly, undressing her late at night before making her moan in ecstasy… Harry shook his head powerfully to clear the all too vivid images. And all from the fact that she was simply taking advantage of her lunch hour? He had massive problems when it came to her. But then didn't he always?

He thought back a couple of months to Ros's funeral. They had been slowly getting closer, and instead of asking Ruth out for a drink, what had he done? He'd proposed to her. And his main argument had been the number of people at her funeral? What had he been thinking? He had been a total idiot and now they were emotionally further apart than ever. Half of it was his wounded pride that she'd turned him down, he knew that. But the other half seemed to be caused by her decision. She no longer brought information she'd discovered straight to him anymore. She went to Lucas instead. As section chief, he should get all the information anyway, but before the last few weeks Harry himself had always been reached first. He wondered if she was avoiding him, and his heart dropped lower by a couple of notches.

Maybe it was time to give up on her. Maybe the great romance he had always thought would eventually happen between them, was never going to become reality. In order to save his heart and the heartache, he really should let his hopes die and let her go. Make it clear that their relationship is and will always be a purely professional one. But he knew, even as he sat in his office thinking about the possibility, that he could never go through with it. It would be easier to cut his own hands off. Because Ruth was entwined with his mind now, and she always would be, no matter what he did to try and stop it. She'd worked her way into his heart before he realised it and now he was hopelessly lost to her.

Sighing, it struck him as odd that he had remained more faithful to Ruth than he ever had been to any other woman in his life. A woman with whom he had shared only one kiss, and he had never felt the desire to ever sleep with anyone else in the eight years he'd known her. Even when she had left the country for three years, nothing had changed his feelings towards her. It still caused a surprisingly strong feeling of pain across his heart when he thought of George. Because she had not stayed loyal to him over those years of parting and had found someone else. But what had he expected? That she would spend the rest of her days pining after him, unable to move on? That was never what he wanted for her. At the time, knowing she would never return to the UK, he had wanted her to do whatever it took so that she could be happy. But now that she was once again in Thames House, and back in his life, he could admit to himself how much the idea of George tormented him. Would she have married him instead if it had come down to it? Had she preferred George over himself? Would she still be in Cyprus if he hadn't died? Were these the reasons she had turned his ill timed proposal down?

But however much he wanted to blame her for being with another man during her exile, he couldn't. He didn't have it in him to hate her, which he supposed was half his problem in the first place. Harry shook his head, trying to think about something that didn't involve his favourite analyst. Distraction came in the form of a knock on the door.

"Yes?" Harry turned and saw Dimitri at the door looking anxious. "What is it?"

"Someone's arrived on the grid," he said blankly.

"Who?"

"Um… well she's got no security passes at all…"

"Then how did she get here?"

"Well there's nothing about her on your personnel file, but she says she's your daughter," Dimitri said looking uncomfortable.

"Catherine?" Harry replied blankly. She had never been to Thames House before and the first thing he felt was worry. "What's she doing here?" Was she in trouble? Was everything alright. There was a very good reason neither of his children's details were in his file any longer. Simply put, he wanted them protected as much as possible, and didn't want someone discovering anything about them. All it said under children was that he had two, no further information, and he liked it that way. "Let her in then!" Harry said impatiently.

"Right." Dimitri moved aside and very quickly his place was taken by Catherine who had a small smile on her face.

"Hi dad," she said.

"Are you okay?" he asked instantly. "Has anything happened?"

"Calm down," she said. "I'm fine. Nothings wrong." He looked into his daughters eyes for a long moment and then decided she was telling the truth.

"Then what are you doing here?" he said as she sat down on the opposite side of his desk. "And how did you get past security downstairs?"

"I guess I am my fathers daughter," Catherine said with a smile. "I think your guards need better training. It only took me about fifteen minutes."

"Its wonderful to see you," Harry said honestly. "But you've never before visited me at work, so I'm… curious as to why you're here."

Catherine paused before speaking. Her father was not the kind of man who confided in anyone easily. "Last time I spoke to you, you seemed really down. I mean… depressively so."

"I'm fine," he said automatically.

"Dad don't lie to me," she said, suddenly vehement. "You lie to everyone in this job, I know that but please don't lie to me. I deserve more."

He smiled at his daughter, wondering just when she grew up into such a beautiful woman without him noticing. "Okay," he admitted. "I'm not fine."

"I know you're not," she said simply. "But thanks for telling me. What is it?"

"Not here," Harry said. Catherine looked disappointed, expecting him to avoid the discussion. "No, I mean I'll talk to you, but not here. Lets go for a walk along the Embankment."

"Okay," Catherine agreed. "Are you sure you're not too busy?"

"Even if I was I could take an hour out of my day for you," Harry said. He got up and they both left Thames House into the brightness of the spring day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews! Here's the next bit, and it was more Harry and Catherine than I had planned but I hope its liked all the same.**

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Harry and Catherine eventually came to a stop, overlooking the river Thames and he half turned to his daughter, wondering what to say to her. He settled on a recent observation he'd made on the walk from the grid. "So I guess congratulations are in order."

She faced him, her face falling into a frown. "You promised me you wouldn't look into me any more dad," she said, the disappointment and anger ringing clearly in her voice. "I thought you'd keep your word to me."

"I am not looking into you," he said fervently, his eyes connecting with hers, watching her intently. "I don't break promises to my family."

The sincerity with which he spoke was crystal clear. "Then… how?"

"You've been in a hot country for a while," he explained. "Lots of sun. There's a white band on your finger where I assume you've been wearing your engagement ring while in Israel."

"Fine, I'm going to change my statement to you being too damn perceptive," she said, looking at her hands and seeing the pale skin just as her father had indicated.

"Congratulations," he said sincerely. Catherine looked at him as if she couldn't believe her ears.

"That's it?" she asked. "You're not going to ask me anything about him at all? Tell me that he's not good enough for me? That I should marry someone English? Complain that I'm too young to get married?"

"Do you love him?" Harry asked simply. Her face filled with light as she smiled, thinking of her fiancé. She nodded, her eyes sparkling. "Then that's all I need to know."

"Oh God," Catherine said, shaking her head. "Who is it that's got you hopelessly wrapped around their finger?"

"Why would you say that?" Harry asked quickly. Too quickly that it was an admission of the truth and she knew it.

"I was expecting a shouting match with you when I told you I was engaged to an Israeli," Catherine said. "And all you ask is whether I love him? Not the fatherly reaction I was expecting."

"You're a grown woman Catherine," Harry said. "Trust me, whatever your decisions you couldn't possibly make a bigger mess of things than I have in my life."

"Thank you," Catherine said, clearly surprised at Harry's reaction.

He smiled briefly. "Put your ring on."

"I can't," she said. "I'm going over to see mum later. I haven't told her either." Catherine rubbed the bare spot on her finger subconsciously before turning back to her father. "But you didn't answer my question. I know there's a woman around your behaviour somewhere. Who is it?"

"Her name's Ruth," Harry said quietly. He put so much emotion in her name that it was crystal clear to Catherine how much he felt for her. And how sincere and genuine his emotions were. "I did something stupid," he admitted after the silence became heavy. He couldn't look at Catherine while saying the next words so he watched the Thames flowing by instead. "I proposed to her."

"What?" Catherine said in a hushed voice. Out of all the things she might have expected him to say or do, this was way down on the list of possibilities.

"She said no, before you get too worked up." He shook his head slightly. "It hurt, but I don't blame her. Not really."

"You really care for her don't you," Catherine said, watching her father in profile. He had never seemed this lost before and she knew instantly that she had done the right thing in coming to talk to her father as soon as she stepped foot back in England. "Does she feel the same way towards you?"

"I don't know," Harry said slowly. "We… don't really speak. About anything personal I mean. Just… well… work really." Catherine didn't know if he was finding this difficult to talk about because he was talking to his daughter, or simply because he never talked about his emotions with anyone at all in a very long time.

"You met her at work?" Catherine asked. For the first time in long minutes Harry faced her.

"Its not like that," he said, knowing she was thinking about some of the women he had cheated on her mother with over the years. "You have no reason to think otherwise though. I'm sorry for how I treated Jane. Before. I didn't want to ruin my family like that. It was never my intention."

"I know," Catherine said with a small smile. "I don't blame you any more. I did, but I grew out of it." Harry smiled at his daughter, and in spite of himself, he felt his heart lighten a little. Maybe just at having someone to talk to, even though the situation seemed hopeless.

"I feel like she's drifting away from me," Harry said. The wind suddenly blew cold across their faces making them shiver. "And I'm jealous," Harry admitted, knowing how true it was as he said the words. "There was someone else… she was with another man for a while. In Cyprus. Its… very complicated."

"I have time if you want someone to listen," Catherine said quietly.

Harry swallowed before continuing. This was difficult for him to talk about with anyone, but holding everything in was proving torturous to him. "Basically, I had to let him die. Thousands would have been murdered in a terror attack otherwise. I had no choice. I'm not sure if she's forgiven me. For the decision I made that ended his life. And I don't know if I should expect her to honestly. But it would be nice to know she doesn't blame me."

"Is she still working for you?" Catherine asked.

"Yes," Harry replied. "Almost as soon as she returned to Britain."

"She doesn't blame you," Catherine said instantly. "Look, I don't know her at all, but do you really think she'd work for you if she thought it was your fault? Unless she was planning on killing you or something like that."

Harry smiled. "She has too much integrity to ever kill anyone," he said. "Except maybe if it were in self defence," he added as an afterthought.

Catherine smiled back at him. "Dad, you'll never know what she's thinking or how she feels unless you ask her."

"You make it sound so easy," Harry said, raising his eyebrows briefly in annoyance.

"It is easy," she said. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"She could tell me she hates me," Harry said swiftly. "That she doesn't care for me and she never did. That I'm a fool for keeping hoping things will change."

"So clearly a lot of bad things can happen," Catherine said. "Is that any worse than how bad you're currently feeling?"

"I don't know," Harry said. "I'll get back to you on that one." He folded his hands together and the slightly stiff way he held himself told Catherine that that was as much as he was willing to confide in her. Which for him had been quite a lot of information anyway she supposed. He didn't talk to people and she felt happy that he had allowed himself to turn to her.

"Can I do anything else before I go?"

"No," Harry said with a smile. Then he changed his mind "Yes. Promise me you'll call if your mum gives you a hard time."

"We both know she's not going to be happy," Catherine said, biting her lip anxiously.

"Is that why it took you so long to tell us?" Harry asked, guessing her reasons very accurately.

"Well what was I supposed to do? Write it in an impersonal email?" Harry gave his daughter a hug and felt a tug at his heart when she held him close for a brief time.

"Call me if you need anything," he said fervently. Catherine nodded. "Or if your brother needs me. I know you…"

"He's fine," Catherine said, cutting him off. "I keep an eye on him."

"Thank you," Harry said, knowing that his son didn't want to speak to him personally.

"Let me know how it goes," Catherine said with a broad smile. "I want to know what happens between you and your mystery woman." Harry watched her go as she hurried down the embankment and turned off into a side street. He really should be getting back to Thames House but right at this moment, he didn't want to leave the river side. Catherine had indeed given him a lot to think about. He wasn't surprised about his daughters engagement, but it did almost clear his mind, talking about Ruth to someone else. To someone outside the situation. He wasn't sure practically what difference it would make, but it did feel good. Then he turned suddenly as he heard her name. **Her** name. He scanned the people walking up and down the pavement because it couldn't be his Ruth, there were thousands of other Ruth's in the country. But then he saw her and there was no mistaking that dark brown hair blowing in the wind, her blue eyes alert as she turned in the direction of the shout and tried to discern who had called her.

From this distance he could see her face in profile and Harry watched as he saw an honest smile illuminate her features as a man he didn't recognise caught up to her. He was holding out a book for Ruth who took it and looked at the cover before her eyes were drawn back to the mystery man. Ruth held the book almost reverently and he saw her lips mouth the words "Thank you." She said something else that he couldn't understand (his lip reading had never been brilliant) and tucked the book away in her bag. The man smiled at her once more before turning away and walking back the way he'd come. Ruth was smiling to herself and brushed her hair out of her face, blown by the wind which was getting up again. Harry quickly turned so he was facing the river and she would hopefully lose him in the mill of people. He hadn't been spying on her in the first place but he didn't want her to think that he had been either. Seeing her here was a total coincidence, but he wasn't sure she'd believe that if it came to it. However, luck it seemed was not on his side. He knew she was approaching him without even turning around to see her. He always seemed to sense whenever she was near, and today was no exception. So when he turned he wasn't surprised to see her blue eyes watching him.

"Hi," she said quietly. Just loud enough to be heard over the breeze. "Were you… following me?"

"No," he said, expecting not to be believed. She inclined her head slightly which made him think he was right. Both waited for the other to speak, neither having any idea what to say at all.

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**I promise in the next chapter things turn to Ruth's perspective. Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow! Again, a great response to the last chapter, thank you all. Sorry to disappoint but the Harry and Ruth conversation isn't going to happen quite yet, (mainly because I have no idea what to write for it!) But I hope people will enjoy Ruth's thoughts as the mirror to Harry's in the first chapter...**

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Ruth opened the door to the small café turned bookshop, making a bell ring in the confines of the store. She quickly moved through to the very back of the shop and peered up at the top and slightly dusty shelf where she knew the Greek classics were kept. Books which it seemed no one but her ever read, which suited her fine. It meant that she had her pick of her favourite books. Copies which she didn't yet own, restoring her collection after her impromptu departure from Cyprus. As she scanned the titles slowly and methodically, she wondered whether they'd had the delivery she was looking forward to.

"No."

"Excuse me?" Ruth said turning back to see Richard looking at her half amused.

"Its not here," the man said. "You've been coming here every day for two weeks, its not here yet. I will call you when the book arrives for you. Like I said I would."

"Well, I'll have a coffee then," Ruth said with a smile picking up Homer's Odyssey from the top shelf and taking her usual seat by the window. She'd found her place from yesterday by the time her drink arrived at her table. She wrapped her fingers around the mug, warming them as she began to read. Before too long she realised that her thoughts had only been drifting one way. To Harry. There was a lot between them and there always had been but recently things had… cooled between them. Barely any words were passed between them any more, no double edged comments, or much fewer at any rate. Now they were gone she realised how much their friendship (and the possibility of more) had always brightened her days at work. No matter what happened between them in the past, they had always remained on a friendly basis professionally. But now, after his proposal that had all changed and she didn't know how to fix it. She wanted to make things go back to how they were a few months ago.

Getting closer to each other, slowly but surely. And there had been long held looks between the pair of them that could only be interpreted in one fashion. Looks he had given her that made her heart race much longer than it should, and made her think extremely inappropriate images of her boss late at night when she couldn't sleep.

But then he had ruined the status quo and for some reason he thought it would be a good idea to propose to her. An idea which was very good in theory, she thought. But in her fantasies over the years of that moment, when Harry would ask her to marry him, she had never thought that it would ever be at a funeral. That he would ask her when he hadn't so much as kissed her in years. That there would be no romance at all, no mention of love once leaving his lips. So she had given him an answer she had never expected to if the occasion ever arose. She said no. What was worse, she knew without a doubt that it had been the right decision. Because if she had said yes, would they have been able to bridge the gap between them that always seemed to exist? Or would it all have just stayed the same. Skirting around things, neither ever saying what they truly meant with the only difference being a ring on her finger? She couldn't live like that. Until everything got a lot easier between them she could give no other answer to him, no matter how much her heart wanted to.

She bit her lip, deep in thought and added a spoonful of sugar to her half drunk coffee. If only he'd asked her for a drink. Or to dinner. Anything simple, and she wouldn't have hesitated. She would have loved to go out with him, any where of his choosing. That wouldn't have been complicated. It would have been simple and easy and probably resulting in a lot less lonely nights than she was currently experiencing. She felt sad and lonely, because she loved Harry, but she didn't know how to get through to him. How to make him see that just because she said no, it didn't mean that she didn't care. He had been very distant from her recently and she hated that and wanted to change it.

Looking back at Homer she realised she hadn't turned a page in twenty minutes, so caught up with her Harry related thoughts. She snapped the book shut and drained the rest of her drink, deciding to take a long meandering walk back to Thames House. Almost reverently putting the book back, she walked to the counter and paid.

"It should be in later today," Richard said with a smile. "Do you want to tell me what's so important about this book?"

"No." Her voice was stern but her eyes were twinkling slightly. "See you tomorrow."

Ruth left the shop to a very sharp breeze and pulled her coat tighter around her. She walked towards the river when a shout caught her attention. She turned, half worried about who would be shouting her name over a London street when Richard caught her eye, running towards her. She stopped and waited for him to catch up to her. He held a black covered hardback book in his hands.

"You said you didn't have it," Ruth reminded him as he handed it over.

"Apparently there was a delivery earlier which no one told me about," Richard said. "I tripped over it in the back room just after you left."

"Thank you," Ruth said sincerely running her finger along the spine before tucking the book away safely in her bag.

"Will you be back now you have what you want?" Richard asked.

"Of course I will," Ruth replied. "I've found a nice little coffee shop where I can read the Greek classics in peace. Why wouldn't I?"

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Richard said, quickly leaving her to go back to his bookshop. Ruth smiled as she felt the comforting weight of the book in her bag and continued walking along the embankment. Only a few steps later she saw a very familiar back hunched over watching the river flow by. For a moment she debated whether she should pretend she hadn't seen him and walk on by. But then she thought that she couldn't reasonable do so. So, with her nerves tightening she approached him slowly. She could tell when he became aware of her presence because of the way he held himself. But she waited to speak until he turned around to face her. "Hi," she said quietly. The intensity of emotion in his eyes made her falter slightly before she could get out the next sentence. "Were you… following me?"

"No," he said firmly. She half nodded, choosing to accept his word, even though coincidences were not something she believed in. The silence between them was only interrupted by the breeze.

"So what brought you out of your office?" Ruth said, to try and make normal conversation, ignoring their history, trying to help things get back to level ground once more.

"Catherine came to see me," Harry said, slightly mesmerised by her blue eyes, looking even more beautiful in the sunlight than they did when on the grid.

"How is she?" Ruth asked, glad of a subject that was safer than their precarious relationship.

"She's well," Harry said honestly. "She's engaged."

So much for a safer topic, Ruth thought to herself. "As long as she's happy," Ruth said trying to move away from the awkward silence. "I was going back up to Thames House," she said quietly, hoping that she wouldn't be snubbed. "Do you want to come back with me?"

Harry felt a leap in his heart at her suggestion and nodded. "I'd like that," he said quietly. The smile on her face was genuine, and they both left the river, taking their time in each others company.


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't really know where I'm going but glad that people are enjoying the ride. Might have slow updates from this point on, I'm watching the snooker!**

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The breeze kept up against the pair of them, pulling a lock of her hair loose and blowing over her face. Harry half raised his hand to brush it back when he realised he was in no position to do so. His hand dropped to his side as Ruth pulled it back herself without noticing anything amiss. "Where is Catherine living now?"

"About an hour outside Tel Aviv," Harry replied.

"Do you miss her?" Ruth asked, well aware that she was straying into personal territory again but thought that she might see how her luck went.

"I do," he said. "Its hard knowing that she's going to be settling down so far away from here. Although after four years with him, I'm hardly surprised he proposed." On that last word he caught her eyes and she blushed red at the implications there.

"Ruth…"

"Harry…" They both spoke at the same time but he indicated that she should go first.

"Things have been strained between us. Since… since Ros's funeral," Ruth said. She swallowed uncomfortably but continued on. "I don't like it," she said. "I don't like how distant we are. Surely this isn't what you want either. Not after you…" she tailed off, feeling very awkward.

"No," he said, interrupting her. "Its not what I want. I don't like this anymore than you do. I miss you." She looked at the ground not knowing what to say to him after that. "I mean it. If you don't want… anything that's your decision and of course I'll respect it, but this dancing around each other is driving me mad, Ruth."

"I know," she agreed, at the same time as feeling her heart plummet at the fact that he thought she didn't want more between them.

Harry sighed when she didn't elaborate further. "Ruth, I want you to be honest with me." She nodded and waited for him to continue. "How do you feel? I just want the truth, no matter how… painful it might be for me to hear." She stopped walking and faced him, debating which words to say, because she knew once spoken they could never be taken back. He would always remember what she said now, that much she was sure of.

"I had several reasons for saying no to you," Ruth said slowly. "But the fact that I didn't care for you, wasn't one of them. It was so unexpected and sudden, and you asked me at a funeral Harry… I still can't believe you did that."

"I hadn't planned it that way, believe me," he said fervently.

"It wasn't the right time," she continued, ignoring his last comment. "And if we went back to that moment, I'd still give you the same answer." Harry felt his heart sink down to the very depths of the Thames. "You haven't even kissed me in four years, and you thought that was a solution to our… problems? Its not. In a way it would have been easier to say no if I didn't feel what I do for you. It made it much more complicated." He looked up at her, a slight ray of hope forming in him.

"I am sorry for that," Harry said quietly. "I shouldn't have asked you. Or not then and there at any rate." She blushed as the significance of what he was saying sunk in.

"There is one more thing I want to ask you, and please give me an answer this time." Ruth nodded. "Were you in love with George? Are you still in love with him? Do you blame me for his death?"

"That's not one question," Ruth said, biting her lip. "Okay, no I'm not in love with him. I don't think I ever was. I loved what he gave me. Security and safety. Normality. After being on the run and scared for an entire year, I can't tell you how much that meant to me. He was a good and decent man who didn't deserve to die, but no. I didn't love him." She paused before saying the next thing she wanted to as Harry watched her carefully, his eyes running all over her face, as if trying to read her mind. "I never did blame you. Not really. I blamed myself for bringing him into danger. If he'd never met me, Nico would still have a father. It was my fault he died."

"No," Harry said firmly, gripping her arm tightly. "Never your fault. You shouldn't have to feel guilty for trying to live a normal life."

"Even though I know perfectly well how much it hurt the man who means the most to me?" It took maybe three seconds for that sentence to sink in to Harry's brain. Once it did, he didn't think about it. Very slowly and with a great deal of thought he caressed her cheek lightly, the breeze making her skin feel chilled. He bent towards her and softly kissed her, lips pushing together gently. It barely lasted a moment before his touch left her. She opened her eyes and out of instinct she leaned back in and kissed him just as lightly once more. He carefully put a hand on her waist as their embrace continued. He felt her palm resting on his chest, not pushing him away, more that she wanted to feel him under her fingertips.

When they broke apart, their eyes were burning at each other. "We should…" Ruth said in a slightly broken voice, nodding at Thames House which had come into sight through their conversation. Harry nodded and they quickly crossed the street towards the building. With one last squeeze of hands before they went through security.


	5. Chapter 5

**Going back to normal HR goodness now I think! Let me know if you have any ideas for this fic because I'm a bit stuck! Thanks for the reviews so far :-)**

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Ruth was currently on the phone to her counterpart in MI6 and she was wondering if there was a way she could realistically get her fired. Honestly, the woman couldn't even hack in to the Russian network. Completely useless. However, while Claire kept nattering on Ruth could feel Harry's eyes on her. Keeping the phone to her ear, she scanned the grid quickly. Tariq was busy doing something complicated on his computer, Lucas was out on low level surveillance to keep himself occupied and Beth and Dimitri were still enjoying a very long lunch. Ruth wasn't expecting to see them for the rest of the day, not when it was this quiet. She found Harry who was in his office, but he had pulled a gap in the blinds. Most unusually he didn't draw away once she had noticed his attention on her. Quite the opposite in fact. She could feel his eyes wandering over her face, her lips, the curve of her neck as if it was a physical force. The intensity was making her blush, even from across the room.

She came back to herself when she realised that Claire had stopped speaking, clearly waiting for her response. But to what Ruth had no idea. "Sorry," she said briefly. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, I have a problem this end. I have to go." She disconnected the phone before Claire could reply and she quickly hurried through to his office. Without knocking. Harry felt elated that she hadn't bothered to announce her presence before barging into his office. Like old times.

"You have to stop it," Ruth said quietly. "You can't look at me like that."

"You couldn't even see me," Harry replied honestly.

"I didn't need to, I could feel you watching me." He raised his eyebrow at that and she blushed again. "I want to keep… whatever we are away from our professional life."

"Okay," he said, the humour dying out of his eyes quickly as he realised how serious she was. He stood up and approached her slowly and carefully, as if he didn't want to scare her. She sighed in exasperation.

"Harry, I'm not a horse, I'm not going to spook."

"Spook by name, spook by nature," he said in a soft voice which made her melt and judging from the look on his face, he knew it. He wasn't touching her but he was very close to her, making it hard for her to think clearly at all. "Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?"

"Um… that's a little sudden isn't it?" she said to try and buy herself time to think.

"Well, ever since this afternoon I haven't been able to think of anything but you," he said softly, making her smile.

"Yes," she said quietly. "I'd love to go to dinner with you." They were both forcibly reminded of the time years ago when he had first asked her out. When things had been simpler and easier. "Do you have somewhere booked?"

"No," he said. "I thought I'd wait for you to agree this time."

"Novel approach," she said, her lip twitching. "I'm going to go home, if that's okay. Or I can stare at my blank computer screen for another hour?"

"I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Sounds great," she said sincerely. He had the fleeting desire to pull her in for a kiss but resisted after what she had said about keeping their professional life separate. She had a small smile on her face as if she knew just what he was thinking. "I'll see you later." She walked out of his office and he resisted the temptation to pull the blinds again to watch her leave. Instead he picked up his phone and rang through to see which restaurant could fit them in on such short notice.

* * *

Ruth had washed her hair and was currently letting it air dry for a while before getting her hair dryer out. In the meantime she carefully found her book that she had picked up this afternoon. Ovid. The original, not a stupid translation that got everything mixed up. An exact replica of the book Harry had given her for her birthday just before she'd had to leave. Harry's copy had managed to escape Britain after Cotterdam. She had carefully carried it with her during her years in exile, never letting it leave her side, as it was the one thing of him that she had with her. Wherever she was, she loved that she still possessed something which he had held, touched and chosen especially for her. But because she'd left Cyprus so quickly, the book hadn't been the first thing on her mind. She was halfway to the airport when she realised that Ovid, Harry's wonderful gift to her, was still lying on her bedside table, a worn bookmark keeping her place.

She had often thought of the book, simply lying there as she had last seen it, even though it must be long gone by now. George had asked what was so special about this book which she was always rereading but she had never talked about it with him. It was private. Back in the present she let the book fall open at a random page, and ran her fingers over the paper. It wasn't the same thing as having his copy, but this was the best she could get, and it had taken her a while to find someone who could give her the original, rather than an English version which she despised. With a smile she began to read, trying to quieten the nerves she felt about this evening. She was halfway through the page when the doorbell rang. Looking at the clock she saw that it was only five to six so it couldn't be Harry yet. With that reassuring thought she tightened her dressing gown around her and opened the door. She should have known that luck was never in her favour.

"Harry? You're… early." she said lamely, realising how stupid that sounded and how little she was wearing at exactly the same time. Apparently so did he because his eyes were running over her figure very slowly and he hadn't even said a word. She held the fabric closer to her, folding her arms and the movement brought him back to his senses.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "It seems you're… rather distracting." She blushed at the compliment and stood aside to let him in. He shook his head quickly "Look, this isn't an excuse but I have to cancel tonight."

"You only asked me a couple of hours ago," Ruth said.

"Its Catherine," Harry said. "Apparently telling her mother about her fiancé didn't go as well as she'd hoped. She's called me in tears. I have to go."

"Of course," Ruth said understanding him but disappointed at the same time.

"I thought a phone call would be impersonal. Now I'm very glad I came around to see you." She smiled, but her heart wasn't in it. "I'm sorry," he added.

"I know," she said.

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

"I think I could make the time for you," she said with a happier smile this time. He closed the gap between them and brushed her wet hair away from her face gently. Her blue eyes sparkled at him because she knew exactly what he was about to do. His thumb brushed her cheek and then he leaned in to kiss her ever so softly. The simple touch of lips wasn't enough for her so she pulled him close, her tongue flicking over his bottom lip suggestively. He opened his mouth to her and felt her sigh with contentment as they stayed lip locked for a long and blissful minute. He parted reluctantly and smiled at her.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Go and talk to Catherine," Ruth said. "I understand." He nodded and then left to his car, parked just in front of her house. Once he had driven away Ruth close her front door and felt weak at the knees. That had been one fantastic kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for all the ideas everyone. Been letting this fic sort of go its own way, and I think this is the last chapter. Unexpectedly soon but this is quite a long one. Enjoy!**

* * *

The next evening, Harry was getting ready, while reliving parts of his conversation with Catherine the night before. Jane hadn't exactly been thrilled and after a long conversation, she had eventually apologised for her reaction. Harry didn't blame her, after all it was hard to accept that their daughter would be living in Israel.

_Thanks dad," Catherine said drying her eyes. "I've been an idiot. I just thought it would be the other way around really. Mum would be pleased for me, and you'd be the miserable grouch."_

_"Thanks sweetheart," Harry had replied sarcastically. "When are you leaving?"_

_"Next week," she said. "I want to catch up with some of my old friends first."_

_"Your engagement ring is beautiful," Harry said, now that she'd put it back where it belonged. She smiled and looked at her hand with happiness._

_"How did things go with Ruth?"_

_"I was going to take her out for dinner tonight," he said._

_"Oh my God! And then I called you! I'm so sorry!"_

_"Catherine, do not apologise for calling me," Harry said firmly. "You can call whenever you want to. Although it would be nice if you could avoid it tomorrow night."_

_"Sure," she replied with a smile. "I can do that."_

In the present Harry smoothed down his blue shirt, feeling unaccountably nervous. He didn't want her to shy away from him again. He hoped that the time apart they'd had would be enough to make her see that it didn't matter what anyone else thought. He looked at his watch and thought he'd have to hurry if he didn't want to be late.

* * *

Ruth was watching the clock. She had been looking forward to tonight all day and he was late. Not by much, but when she was this worked up every second felt like an eternity. She double checked her appearance in the mirror, and was pleased with what she saw. Her dress was knee length and navy blue, just enough to brighten her eyes. She wasn't wearing too much jewellery or make up. Generally she thought she would make a good impression. Finally at five past her doorbell rang.

"Sorry I'm la…" his voice tailed off as he took in how she looked. Breathtaking was a suitable summary. "Late," he said, finishing his earlier sentence as his eyes were drawn back up to hers. "Traffic. You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she said, her eyes glittering quietly.

"Shall we?" Ruth nodded and locked the door behind her.

* * *

Dinner had been wonderful. Romantic, but not overly so in a quiet restaurant with wonderful food and good company. Ruth had been thoroughly enjoying herself and felt only a fleeting dart of surprise when Harry reached for her hand across the table. She turned her palm over and their fingers quietly danced together in a gentle and exploring touch. She only let go when their dessert arrived. Because as wonderful as the soft touches between them were, her chocolate torte was calling her name. And it was delicious.

"What were you doing at lunch the other day?" Harry asked her in what he hoped was an offhand voice. "The man with the book," he added at her blank look.

"Oh, I found a little café turned bookshop," she said slowly. "He was helping me find a book I was looking for."

"What book?" Harry asked, relieved it hadn't been anything more sinister than that.

"Ovid," Ruth said quietly, her eyes burning into his. "The original. A copy of the one you gave me years ago."

Harry took a sip of wine while debating what to say next. It filled him with warmth that that had been what she had been looking for. "Did you lose it?" he teased lightly.

"No," she said. "I know perfectly well where it was last time I saw it. I was rereading it for about the thousandth time so it was on my bedside table. In Polis. I didn't have time to grab it, what with how quickly I had to leave."

"That would explain it," Harry said cryptically. Ruth raised her eyebrows in curiosity. "After you… left. I went to your house. I couldn't find it. I even looked in the gap behind your bedroom wall. By the way the amount of sensitive information you smuggled out of Thames House was astounding."

She laughed quietly at that, not even bothering to deny it. Then something occurred to her. "Did you keep anything?" she asked. "I know all my things would have been removed after I went but…"

"Yes I did," he said quietly. "I took your photo albums. I couldn't bear to see them lost. I hope it was okay that I did?"

"You still have them?" she asked in surprise.

"Yes," he said quickly.

"Can I see them?"

"As long as you tell me that you're not upset I took them."

"Of course I'm not," Ruth said swiftly. "I never thought I'd see them again." Harry smiled at her as she finished her wine.

* * *

"Make yourself at home," Harry said as they both went into his house. She nodded as he left her and went upstairs to get the albums out of his safe. He didn't want awkward questions asked if anyone had come across them and it was the safest place he could think of. After all she had spent three years pretending to be dead.  
Ruth meanwhile was browsing his bookshelves while trying to keep her heart rate under control. It was late at night and she was in Harry's house. The implications there were huge, but she was trying not to think of them. Suddenly she spotted a book and couldn't resist taking it off the shelf and flicking through it. Persuasion, Jane Austen. Not a book she would have expected to find on Harry's shelf. Judging from the spine and the pages it was a well read copy. So immersed in her thoughts was she, that she didn't hear Harry come back downstairs.

"Trust you to go straight to the book shelves," Harry said, making her turn around.

"I wouldn't have picked Jane Austen for you," Ruth said, putting the book back on the shelf.

"I don't like Austen generally. Just that one," he said quietly. "And it's the subject matter rather than the writing that I like." Then his voice dropped a couple of notches to that silken tone she adored. "Two people get so close to each other and then fate gets in the way. Years later they have their second chance, and this time they don't want to miss out on it. Do you see the appeal?"

She blushed but then nodded and held out her hands for the albums he carried. Harry handed them over silently and they both sat down as she began to look through the images of her past life. She stopped when she came to a picture of herself with her father, only a few months before he died. She stared at that picture for a long time. "Thank you Harry," she said quietly. "This means an awful lot to me."

"I'm glad you're here to see them," he said, eyes connecting with hers. "As in, glad you're in the country and not on the run, not that you're here in my house. Although I am, what I meant…"

"Harry." She cut off his rambling simply by saying his name and holding his hand gently. She shut the album with a snap and kissed him softly. There would be time later to look at the photographs, right now she wanted Harry to hold her like he never wanted to let her go. Something which he was doing a very good job of at the moment. By the time he stopped kissing her she was horizontal on the sofa, Harry lying on top of her, bracing his weight on his arms rather than crushing her.

"I'm going to take you home," he said in a voice cracked with tension and emotion.

"Don't," she said, her eyes sparkling. He understood the implications of that simple word and he desperately wanted to control himself. "I don't want to be lonely any more."

"That's not a good reason," he said swiftly even as he felt his hopes plummet through the earth.

She smiled in spite of herself. "How about the fact that I love you? Is that a good reason?"

"Depends. Is it true?" he asked, his heart pounding incredibly hard. As if his entire existence depended on her answer.

"Yes," she said feeling a sudden rush of emotion run through her. "I love you." He didn't reply with words, instead he kissed her with as much passion and as intensely as he knew how. He moved and pressed his lips to her cheek as her hands held him close. He nipped her earlobe lightly before breathing in her ear.

"I love you too."

* * *

**Thanks for all the reviews guys!**


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